Building Integrity By Saying "No"

This week's post comes from Doug Post.

 

In Leading with Integrity we noted that integrity means, "I do what I say I'm going to do...every time." We noted Michael Hyatt's definition: honesty is making your words match reality; integrity is making reality match your words.

In Improving Integrity with Clear Expectations we considered:

           1. Recovery. When your "yes" turns out to be a "no," acknowledge, apologize, and
               recommit.
           2. Clear Expectations and Commitments. Requests must be understood before
               we commit.

The third component to improving integrity is to Say “No." 

It is important to learn that just because we can honor a request, doesn't mean we should. Tim Harford notes, "Every time we say yes to a request, we are also saying no to anything else we might accomplish with the time." It's important to learn our personal limits so that we can appropriately balance and meet family, work, and social commitments -- your own and your team’s!

This doesn't mean saying “no" is easy. It's difficult and awkward. Sometimes we're considered unhelpful or incapable. Leading with integrity isn't always easy in the short-term! Tim Harford continues:

 

        The present moment is exaggerated in our thoughts. When somebody asks, “Will you volunteer to be ________?” it is momentarily uncomfortable to refuse, even if it will save much more trouble later. To say “yes” is to warm ourselves in a brief glow of immediate gratitude, heedless of the later cost.

         A psychological tactic to get around this problem is to try to feel the pain of “yes” immediately, rather than at some point to be specified later. If only we could feel instantly and viscerally our eventual annoyance at having to keep our promises, we might make fewer foolish promises in the first place.

         One trick is to ask, “If I had to do this today, would I agree to it?” It’s not a bad rule of thumb, since any future commitment, no matter how far away it might be, will eventually become an imminent problem.

Remember to always validate the person or request (be nice) and to be assertive. Consider the following tactical options:*

 

            1. The awkward pause. Let silence to a request work in your favor.

            2. The soft "no" (or the "no but"). For example, "Not now, but once I've finished..."
                 or, Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm working on 'xyz,' and I'm not sure I can
                 commit to that right now."

            3. "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." or, "Let me think about it."
                 Give yourself time to reflect and reply with integrity.

            4. Use e-mail bounce backs. Use automatic responses that say you're on
                vacation or on a project.

            5. Say, "Yes. What should I deprioritize?"

            6. Say it with humor. A smile and a simple "Nope!" can carry the day.

            7. Use the words, "You are welcome to X. I am willing to Y." For example, "You
                are welcome to borrow my car. I am willing to make sure the keys are here for
                you." With this answer you are also saying, "I won't be able to drive you."

            8. "I can't do it, but X might be interested." You're not invaluable. Offer an
                 alternative person or date.

 

Saying “no" well will take practice. But it is worth it -- building integrity requires "no" to be our most common response.

Let’s review what we’ve learned on building integrity with others: (1) learn to recover from integrity breaches, (2) share clear expectations and commitments, and (3) develop the ability to say “no."

How do you struggle with building integrity and saying “no"? What helps you improve and build integrity?

Continue Leading the Interstates Way!

Doug Post

 

Sources: *Condensed from "Dare: The Power of a Graceful 'No'," chp. 11 in Essentialism by Greg McKeown
http://timharford.com/2015/01/the-power-of-saying-no/

Taking Chances and the Beauty of the And

This week's post comes from Dave Crumrine.

I attended a funeral service this past Friday for our founder John A. Franken. I have to admit, I'm not "good" at funerals, but they do get me thinking about my own life and what contribution I am leaving in the world.

John's life was built on trying new things, taking chances and then filling in behind them with hard work and tenacity to make it work. Whether it was the beginning of the Interstates business or many of his other adventures, John "leaned in” to it with tenacity. He knew he wasn’t going to change the world playing it safe all the time. 

Sometimes I wonder if we have enough of that attitude in us. We are certainly a much larger and more complex company, and we are dealing with a world of challenges that John likely didn't imagine. But are we charging ahead? Are we taking enough chances? 

One could make the point that we have more to lose, and that is a reason to play it safe. Others might claim that at the start of any business, you simply have to take chances, but later on it requires a different course of action to be successful.

I believe we need both - taking chances AND taking care of what has been built before us. As a leader, I need to inspire and motivate my team to take chances - the right chances. I need to encourage my team to stretch and try new things, to build confidence in my people, and to convince them that they can figure it out. We might not know all the answers but we are capable, committed and smart, and that can get us there. 

We often fail to consider that playing it safe today is taking a huge risk tomorrow. This is another leadership burden. We must be forward-looking enough to not let this happen. Not having the capability to meet a challenge, to be able to try new things, or to be prepared for a surprise is a huge liability. The price of not being ready will affect the whole team, not just the leaders. If we don't exercise our "figure it out, take a chance" muscles, they will get soft and leave us unprepared for when we need them. 

John took chances and made it happen. I'm convinced there is a lot of that still at Interstates, but it might need some uncovering.

As a leader at Interstates, I challenge you to ask yourself, "Where should my team be taking chances? How can we lean into the future?"

Continue Leading the Interstates Way!

Dave Crumrine

The Great Experiment - Bizzaro World (Part 2)

So, how did I do? Well, I'd say I did ok but not great. The following are the items I wrote down to help me understand what went well and what didn't go well. Then, I reset my game plan based on lessons learned. 

May 19, 2015
Plus

•  I was more focused and did more than I would have two weeks ago.
• Conversations with others felt more impactful (even if the other people didn't say anything).
• Thinking about My Why and the Interstates Why was good for me (energy, attitude, etc.).

Delta

• I did not do it every day.
• It's hard to do something for teammates on the weekends.
• If I got busy or focused on getting stuff done, I forgot about it or did it poorly.

Moving forward (lessons learned)

• Keeping it simple is key for me: The Power of More - What More Can I Do?
• 1 thing for family/friends
• 1 thing for teammates (focus on Monday-Friday; don't feel guilty if it does not happen on the weekends)
• Identify the two people at the beginning of the day.
• Set the tone every day by remembering:
• My Why and the Interstates Why
• Lead with love and have a thankful heart.
• Be all in. 

I hope you got something out of this experiment. For me, it was helpful to keep John's message in front of me for another week and set the direction for myself moving forward. 

Continue leading the Interstates Way by Rising Above (John's theme), being all in, and remembering the Why!

Scott Peterson

The Great Experiment - Bizzaro World (Part 1)

This week's post comes from Scott Peterson.

This blog post is an experiment. It is actually my journal entries from two different dates -- May 14 and May 19, 2015. These journal entries allowed me to lean into two different elements:
  
         1. The excitement and motivation that comes from hearing a great message. 

         2. The fear of not doing anything with the message and losing that motivation. 

So, basically, this is an experiment for me and on me. It's a way for me to learn more about myself and understand how I can boost my personal accountability and self-discipline. Hopefully you can get something out of it too. If nothing else, you will have some insight into Scott's world, also known as "Bizzaro World -- a strange and scary place." Enjoy!!

May 14, 2015
Yesterday was the John O'Leary event. I was lucky enough to hear John's message for the 2nd time (in the morning with the students and faculty of local schools) and 3rd time (in the afternoon with Interstates employees and various local community members). I thought both presentations were awesome. I am truly motivated and inspired. Now, here’s the challenge:  What am I going to do with it?

Here is my game plan. I need to keep it simple, and I need to keep it going. 
            a. Journal every day on the topic, "What more can I do?"
            b. Pick two people (one family/friend and one teammate) to invest in.
                (Names have been excluded.)
                          i. My kids - Spend 15 minutes truly listening to them about any topic.
                         ii. My teammates - Take a chance and give them some feedback so they
                                                        can be more successful.
            c. Today, remember:
                          i. My Why (personal mission statement) and the Interstates Why
                         ii. Success is a journey, not a destination.
                        iii. Be all in.
                        iv. Lead with love.

This might be too much. I will try to implement these activities for a week and then see if I need to make changes. Now comes the scary part for me: day 2 - day 7. Why? This is the test of my commitment and self-discipline. Will I choose to act and lead differently or will I allow the busyness of life to pull me into my old routines? Time will tell, but as of today, I will try. 

Stop back tomorrow to see the results!

Every Conversation

This week's blog post comes from Dave Crumrine.

I recently spent time listening to and studying a speaker whose primary point was:

"Every conversation is an opportunity to create the future.”

As humans, we spend our days in conversation. The better we are at engaging in conversation, the better we will be at impacting the world in a positive way.

Think about it. What is a relationship without conversation? Whether it is a meeting, 1-on-1 time, or a chat while driving down the road with someone else in the front seat of your car, we learn through conversations. We persuade through conversations. We educate and train in conversations. If we want to end a relationship, what do we do? We stop having conversations! 

This really impacted me. Through every conversation, I have the opportunity to make an impact. Am I prepared for that? Am I vulnerable enough? Am I more worried about how I look or how smart I sound than what others might get out of the conversation? I am going to make some kind of difference in every conversation. That is how it works. Will it be worthy? Have I wasted everyone's time? Have I made this a rich part of their day and possibly helped set a productive course for me, for them, or for the cause?

Conversations are creative. If they are truly engaging, some new insight or information can be created right there in that conversation. In fact, the best conversations often result in new insight. People can modify their views on topics; it can change the way they feel and believe.

Can this happen any other way? It is unlikely that people will get this from the evening news or from their trade journal. Only a quality conversation, grounded in genuine interest and mutual benefit, can lead to a different future. 

What kind of conversations are you having? Are they worth it? Are you bringing your heart and A-game to every conversation? Are those around you expecting a great conversation? 

We can make a difference…every conversation has that opportunity.

Continue Leading the Interstates Way (with some great conversation)!

Dave Crumrine

Mistakes Don't Matter...

This week's blog post comes from Jack Woelber.

I was recently at an event for my daughter. It was the “dress rehearsal” for a music contest. For the event, they had a director from another community come in and critique all the individuals and small groups in order to give them some final polish before the contest. Amazing, isn’t it? Why do we seem to listen more closely to those who come in as an expert but don’t have any more credentials than those with whom we get to work with every day? A group had just performed, and things didn’t go quite as well as they had hoped. The critic commented to the group, “Mistakes don’t matter…as long as you recover well.”  I was sitting in the audience next to my daughter as the comment was made and leaned over to her and whispered, “What a great life lesson.” 

As you read this you are probably thinking a couple of things: 

1. That poor girl. She sure has a geek for a dad.
2. Oh, that phrase the critic gave is a good topic for a leadership blog.

While both are probably accurate, I’d like you to focus more on the second item and the phrase, “Mistakes don’t matter…as long as you recover well.” My dad used to remind me that the only people who don’t make mistakes are those that don’t do anything. As leaders, we are going to make mistakes. Of course, we are going to try to mitigate as many mistakes as we can before making a decision, but if we don’t dare make a mistake, we won’t do anything. 

We need to remember: it’s not about the mistake -- it’s about how we recover. After time passes, most people won’t even remember the mistake; they will remember the result. And the results are determined by how we recover.   

So my challenge for all of us is: “Don’t focus on the mistake,” rather “Focus on recovering and recovering well.” If you are in a leadership role, I’m guessing you already do this, but it was a great reminder for me.  (And one more opportunity to encourage my daughter in a life lesson! J) 

Continue Leading the Interstates Way!
Jack Woelber

Can You Be Great?

This week's blog post comes from Scott Peterson.

Can you be great?

 

You Betcha!!  Absolutely!!  Without a Doubt!! 

I hope that is clear enough. I believe this is true because of one of my favorite quotes. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Everyone can be great because everyone can serve." I love this quote because it helps me keep my priorities straight.   

The foundation of great leadership is about focus. When you focus on serving your teams and the people that you care about, good things will happen. What does it mean to serve those people? I can't answer that question perfectly, but here are a couple of ideas: 

1. Get to know your team and what they need (which is often different than what they want).   
2. Give them feedback, direction, and share the “why” with them (this helps them feel connected to the big picture).
3. Listen. It sounds really easy, but it can be a tough thing to do, so keep practicing this.  
4. Show them that you care. You've probably heard this quote, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." (John Maxwell)  This is so true, and it's a great reminder when you're thinking of how you can serve others. 

Overall, I have found that the better I serve the people around me, the better I lead. When I lose that focus, I make mistakes in leading. The right focus allows me to have a positive impact on people, teams, and organizations that are important to me. I hope it helps you too.  

Take two minutes and share a couple of ideas on how we can serve our teams and lead the Interstates way together. 

 

Continue Leading the Interstates Way!

Scott Peterson