Building Integrity By Saying "No"

This week's post comes from Doug Post.

 

In Leading with Integrity we noted that integrity means, "I do what I say I'm going to do...every time." We noted Michael Hyatt's definition: honesty is making your words match reality; integrity is making reality match your words.

In Improving Integrity with Clear Expectations we considered:

           1. Recovery. When your "yes" turns out to be a "no," acknowledge, apologize, and
               recommit.
           2. Clear Expectations and Commitments. Requests must be understood before
               we commit.

The third component to improving integrity is to Say “No." 

It is important to learn that just because we can honor a request, doesn't mean we should. Tim Harford notes, "Every time we say yes to a request, we are also saying no to anything else we might accomplish with the time." It's important to learn our personal limits so that we can appropriately balance and meet family, work, and social commitments -- your own and your team’s!

This doesn't mean saying “no" is easy. It's difficult and awkward. Sometimes we're considered unhelpful or incapable. Leading with integrity isn't always easy in the short-term! Tim Harford continues:

 

        The present moment is exaggerated in our thoughts. When somebody asks, “Will you volunteer to be ________?” it is momentarily uncomfortable to refuse, even if it will save much more trouble later. To say “yes” is to warm ourselves in a brief glow of immediate gratitude, heedless of the later cost.

         A psychological tactic to get around this problem is to try to feel the pain of “yes” immediately, rather than at some point to be specified later. If only we could feel instantly and viscerally our eventual annoyance at having to keep our promises, we might make fewer foolish promises in the first place.

         One trick is to ask, “If I had to do this today, would I agree to it?” It’s not a bad rule of thumb, since any future commitment, no matter how far away it might be, will eventually become an imminent problem.

Remember to always validate the person or request (be nice) and to be assertive. Consider the following tactical options:*

 

            1. The awkward pause. Let silence to a request work in your favor.

            2. The soft "no" (or the "no but"). For example, "Not now, but once I've finished..."
                 or, Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm working on 'xyz,' and I'm not sure I can
                 commit to that right now."

            3. "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." or, "Let me think about it."
                 Give yourself time to reflect and reply with integrity.

            4. Use e-mail bounce backs. Use automatic responses that say you're on
                vacation or on a project.

            5. Say, "Yes. What should I deprioritize?"

            6. Say it with humor. A smile and a simple "Nope!" can carry the day.

            7. Use the words, "You are welcome to X. I am willing to Y." For example, "You
                are welcome to borrow my car. I am willing to make sure the keys are here for
                you." With this answer you are also saying, "I won't be able to drive you."

            8. "I can't do it, but X might be interested." You're not invaluable. Offer an
                 alternative person or date.

 

Saying “no" well will take practice. But it is worth it -- building integrity requires "no" to be our most common response.

Let’s review what we’ve learned on building integrity with others: (1) learn to recover from integrity breaches, (2) share clear expectations and commitments, and (3) develop the ability to say “no."

How do you struggle with building integrity and saying “no"? What helps you improve and build integrity?

Continue Leading the Interstates Way!

Doug Post

 

Sources: *Condensed from "Dare: The Power of a Graceful 'No'," chp. 11 in Essentialism by Greg McKeown
http://timharford.com/2015/01/the-power-of-saying-no/

Taking Chances and the Beauty of the And

This week's post comes from Dave Crumrine.

I attended a funeral service this past Friday for our founder John A. Franken. I have to admit, I'm not "good" at funerals, but they do get me thinking about my own life and what contribution I am leaving in the world.

John's life was built on trying new things, taking chances and then filling in behind them with hard work and tenacity to make it work. Whether it was the beginning of the Interstates business or many of his other adventures, John "leaned in” to it with tenacity. He knew he wasn’t going to change the world playing it safe all the time. 

Sometimes I wonder if we have enough of that attitude in us. We are certainly a much larger and more complex company, and we are dealing with a world of challenges that John likely didn't imagine. But are we charging ahead? Are we taking enough chances? 

One could make the point that we have more to lose, and that is a reason to play it safe. Others might claim that at the start of any business, you simply have to take chances, but later on it requires a different course of action to be successful.

I believe we need both - taking chances AND taking care of what has been built before us. As a leader, I need to inspire and motivate my team to take chances - the right chances. I need to encourage my team to stretch and try new things, to build confidence in my people, and to convince them that they can figure it out. We might not know all the answers but we are capable, committed and smart, and that can get us there. 

We often fail to consider that playing it safe today is taking a huge risk tomorrow. This is another leadership burden. We must be forward-looking enough to not let this happen. Not having the capability to meet a challenge, to be able to try new things, or to be prepared for a surprise is a huge liability. The price of not being ready will affect the whole team, not just the leaders. If we don't exercise our "figure it out, take a chance" muscles, they will get soft and leave us unprepared for when we need them. 

John took chances and made it happen. I'm convinced there is a lot of that still at Interstates, but it might need some uncovering.

As a leader at Interstates, I challenge you to ask yourself, "Where should my team be taking chances? How can we lean into the future?"

Continue Leading the Interstates Way!

Dave Crumrine