Getting "Chicked"

This week's post comes from David Krahling.

Oh the stories we tell…

I recently enjoyed a great conversation with my forty-something female cousin who is into competitive bicycle racing. This is not the skinny wheel, road racing you might know from Lance Armstrong and Tour De France. This version features fat tired bicycles and courses that go up and down steep hills, through trees, over small logs and around large rocks. Some may think her a tad crazy, but I think she has a perfect attitude about it. She mostly competes against herself, always striving to improve against her own time. She will admit, though, that one of her recent thrills was that she “chicked a guy.” 

“Wait, what was that? You what?”

“I chicked a guy. That means I passed a male racer. The men start most races well ahead of us, so passing one of the guys is a big deal. I didn’t gloat. I’ve been passed lots of times myself, so I know how it feels. In this case, it just felt good to know that I was on top of my game.” OK. Good to know that my 48-year-old cousin can still bring her A game to the race course and to dinner table conversation.

Fast forward a month to one of my recent bike rides. I was fourteen miles into a fifteen mile ride, just a tad winded, when I saw two bikes coming up from behind, closing the gap. When I noticed they were female and young, I dug a little deeper to stay ahead, but it soon became clear- I was going to get “chicked.” 

And then my stories began. I told myself, “They must be in mile one of their ride, probably doing a two mile sprint, no need to be embarrassed by my pace.” And “Oh man! Added together, the sum of their age is still 10 years short of my own. Oh to be as fit as I was in my twenties.” or “ I wonder if I know them. Maybe they are just messing with me.” or even, “They must have really good bikes. If I had a better bike I’m sure I’d keep up.”

The stories that we tell ourselves often lead us in the wrong direction and to wrong assumptions. My stories were classic victim and villain stories. I told myself stories that framed others as villains [I bet they’re messing with me] and myself as a victim. [Yeah, right, it’s my bike’s fault.] Being aware of the stories we tell ourselves can help us replace our stories with more rational thinking.

Seeing these stories as the defense mechanism that they are is a key concept associated with Crucial Conversations training. Knowing that we all have a tendency to tell such stories can help us see things differently. Recognizing the story and separating fact from feelings can help us keep conversations safe and help us react appropriately. Keeping conversations safe is a fundamental leadership skill. Recognizing the stories we tell is a great first step in doing just that. 

What whoppers have you been telling yourself lately?

Continue leading the Interstates way!
David Krahling

Margin in Life

This week's post is from Jack Woelber.

 

While reading Doug Post’s blog on leadership margin dated July 17, 2014, I was reminded of a video series I had watched several years ago featuring Christian speaker Andy Stanley. The series talked about margin in our lives in multiple areas and while reading Doug’s blog, I thought it might be good to share some other thoughts about margin in other areas of our lives.  

 

In this fast paced and hectic world, we often say we are too busy or don’t have enough time or money. Often we do whatever we can with whatever time or money we have to “get the most out of life”.  

 

Andy suggests that there are multiple areas in life that could use some margin. Andy defines margin as the space between our current performance and our limits or an amount beyond what is actually needed. There are four areas I’d like to touch on regarding margin. 

1. Schedule Margin – Often we have our days booked so tight with exercise, work, house work, to-do's, kids games, etc. that every minute is scheduled. Because of this, our stress level goes up, our focus narrows, and our relationships can suffer. If we could create some “margin” in our schedule, our stress might go down and we might have some space for the things that come up unexpectedly (both good and bad). Maybe we wouldn’t have to give up the important for the urgent.  
2. Financial Margin – Have you heard the phrase “the one with the most stuff wins”? Society has placed an incredible amount of pressure on individuals and families to have “stuff”. I can get caught up in this easily. The need to “have stuff” often puts pressure on our finances. If I had less stuff, it might give me more margin in both my finances as well as my time. Having some financial margin could also reduce stress. 
3. Moral Margin – If we are always living our life on the edge of morality, then it doesn’t allow much margin when we are challenged or pushed to go over the line. Once we are pushed over the line, it can affect us psychologically as well as in our relationally.  
4. Professional Margin – In addition to Doug’s comments on leadership margin, what about professional margin? Are the things that you are doing adding value to you, the company, or society? Are you spending your time at work on the right things? Or are you filling up your time with things that maybe could / should be done by others? Would having some margin in our time at work allow us to spend our time on the right stuff? 

After watching Andy’s video several years ago, I have thought about it often. When things get too busy or too tight and I start to lose focus or get stressed, I try to evaluate the margin in my life and determine if I have over committed in any of the above areas. I’d challenge you to grade yourself in the four areas above. How do you score when it comes to “margin” in these areas of your life? 

 

Thoughts taken from Take It To The Limit by Andy Stanley.  

 

Continue Leading the Interstates Way!

 

Jack Woelber